On July 4, 1776, a group of men gathered in Philadelphia and adopted the Declaration of Independence. For 232 years, Americans have celebrated this event as “Independence Day,” but the naughtiness that inspired such a brave patriotic act has been given short shrift. Until now…

July 3, 2008, marks the inaugural “Naughty America Day,” a day when Americans celebrate their collective naughtiness by teasing and flirting with their fellow citizens. Naughty America Day is the brainchild of Naughty America, the authority on all things naughty in America and, by extension, the world.

“Nobody does naughty better than America,” said  spokesman David Moye. “By nature, Americans cheerfully challenge the status quo. For instance, the Declaration is one of the naughtiest documents in human history. It basically tells the king of England to shove it.”

Moye credits the spirit of American naughtiness for inspiring important political documents like the Declaration and the Bill of Rights as well as pioneering musical genres like rock, jazz and hip-hop, and for world-changing inventions like the light bulb, television and cold beer. He suggests Americans take advantage of their inalienable right to naughtiness by celebrating “Naughty America Day” by doorbell-ditching a neighbor, flirting with the boss or hooking up with your girlfriend in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret.

To help kick-start Naughty America Day, the company has come up with more than 40 ways patriotic Americans can be naughty on July 3, including…

1. Flirting with your boss

2. Asking a homeless guy if you can borrow a dollar.

3. Pretending like you don’t know your lover and then engaging in excessive public displays of affection.

4. Wearing a short skirt, but no panties (guys can wear a kilt).

5. Taking the entire family to lunch at Costco to snack on free samples.

6. Test-driving a fancy automobile you can’t afford (should get more people to American car dealers).

7. Purchasing an expensive outfit, wearing it in public and then returning it.

8. Going to a baseball game or political rally and rooting for the opposition.

9. Quizzing your parents about their sex lives — before they met.

10. Quizzing your parents about their sex lives — with each other.

Moye also says playfully grabbing the heiney of a close friend or family member is always appropriate on Naughty America Day. Sadly, not every American will be in the states on July 3 to celebrate Naughty America Day, but Moye has some suggestions for those people as well.

“Slap a maple leaf patch on your shirt, pretend you’re Canadian and be as obnoxious as possible,” Moye said.
If all else fails, Moye suggests simply taking pride in being a Naughty American.

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