I had been eagerly awaiting my trip to New Jersey for weeks. I was going to dance at “The Harem” and visit my good friend and Editor of GENESIS, Dan Davis. I was looking forward to seeing him, having a good time at the club, and hopefully play in the snow. However, my trip did not start out as great as I imagined.

Any ounce of good attitude disappeared immediately after my car started slowing down to a sluggish trudge along the crowded 405 freeway. This was the harbinger of the anxiety that I was to face later that day. I arrive at the sidewalk of my terminal just in time to discover that I wasn’t able to check my bags at the sidewalk. “That’s ok.” I reasoned with myself. “There is plenty of time before my flight.”

Then, after walking past the glass sliding doors, I stepped into what used to be the halls of LAX. It had transformed into a massive sea of men, women, children, luggage, pets, and irritable airport attendants meekly attempting to do their job. I am going to miss my flight. Between panic attacks and desperate failed attempts to cut in lines, I realize that this may not be a time when my boob job can help me, especially since the nearby attendants were grouchy women. I gave up and stood in that long, long ticketing line. Ugh.

After an hour and a half of counting my deep meditative breaths, I finally reach the front just to discover that my only option was to fly stand by in hopes that this “outrageous snowstorm” that has been delaying flights especially in Chicago would not affect my travels. Yayyy!

I grouchily walk to my gate and stand in line to talk to the attendant. I finally reach my turn and ask him how many people are ahead of me. Much to my very pleasant surprise, the attendant’s response put a huge smile on my face. He told me he did not know why they put me on standby and said he was going to give me the last seat on the plane. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

The rest of my weekend was smooth sailing. Dan showed me bits of New York as we drove through it from the airport on the way to Jersey. My first experience of New Jersey hospitality was at a diner. Their diners were so intimate. And they had these adorable coat hooks by each booth. Throughout dinner, I rambled on to Dan about random differences between LA and Jersey that I was fascinated about, like the cold weather. To me it was a nice change. And call me a dork, but I was so intrigued at the fact that people pump gas for you at the gas stations.

The next day, Dan took me to his office to finish some interviews. On the way, we drove by neighborhoods where kids were playing outside and throwing snowballs at each other. And the houses out in the Jersey suburbs had yards. Big yards that were covered in a white carpet of snow and that were decorated with mangers, trees, and beautiful lights. I look out the car window and saw white snowflakes descending from the sky. And then, all my anger at the world disappeared. I’m kidding. I’m not an angry person. But, to a California girl like me, it was like stepping into a winter-themed Thomas Kinkade painting. For a few days, I could escape to a mini-retreat away from a bustling city where people string Christmas lights on their palm trees.

The Harem Cabaret spoiled me rotten. This is by far my favorite club I have featured at. I had such a great time! They were some of the nicest, coolest people I have ever met. The owner, Tony, was amazing. He was cool enough to rearrange my show schedule because of the snowstorm. Everyone made me feel so comfortable. Especially, the manager Stephen, the GM Nicky D., and Suzie, the sexy VIP Hostess. I developed a little crush on her.

We all had a great time eating and laughing and just hanging out in the back dining area at the club. The food  there is so unbelievable! It was so delicious. It was like being in a five-star restaurant. I had lamb chops the first night and filet mignon the next night. I couldn’t stop eating because everything they fed me tasted yummy. They might as well have rolled me onstage. Sexy!

I thoroughly enjoyed performing my sets more than I normally do. It was such a fun environment to get naked to! My last outfit was a skimpy little Santa costume to which I danced to a version of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” by Twisted Sister. As I stepped off the stage naked wearing only my Santa hat and tall black boots, the naughty girl inside me giggled at the fact that I just stripped to Santa music. Haha!

I wanted to go outside and make naked snow angels, but everyone started to lecture me on hypothermia and pneumonia so I decided against that idea and just flashed. The plows driving by definitely enjoyed it, and I want to thank Gabe for putting up with my dorkdom in the snow.

That completes my Jersey trip. I got to frolic in the snow, visit a good friend, and experience a white Jersey Christmas. Plus I learned a new Christmas song. It goes like this:

Who’s got a beard that’s long and white? Santa’s got a beard that’s long and white.
Who comes around on a special night? Santa comes around on a special night.
Special night, beard that’s white, Must be Santa, must be Santa,Must be Santa, Santa Claus.
Who wears boots and a suit of red? Santa wears boots and a suit of red.
Who wears a long cap on his head? Santa wears a long cap on his head.
Cap on head, suit that’s red, Special night, beard that’s white, Must be Santa must be Santa, Must be Santa, Santa Claus.
Who’s got a big red cherry nose? Santa’s got a big red cherry nose.
Who laughs this way: HO HO HO? Santa laughs this way: HO HO HO!
HO HO HO, cherry nose, Cap on head, suit that’s red, special night, beard that’s white, Must be Santa must be Santa, Must be Santa, Santa Claus.

Now I can go home and wear flip-flops in Los Angeles.