This might be late, but I didn’t want a very special day to go by without this.

Oh Dan, my porno counterpart and member of the tribe, what would I do without you? I don’t know if you are turning 21 or 37 or like, 96 but whatever it is, you are cool in my book. It was recently my birthday as well. I turned 16. That is a big deal. I am going to get my learner’s permit and soon I can get tattooed. I heard it hurts, so I am not sure if I should really do it or not, but I think people with tattoos are pretty cool so I just might. I did not get any kind words from Dan on my Birthday, but yet he wanted me to say something about him on his birthday. In fact, he threatened me with much-needed press if I did not, and we all know how much I need the exposure. What an asshole.

You know what? I take back my warm and fuzzy first sentence. Go to hell. And Jews don’t even BELIEVE in hell so yeah….. I don’t even know where he will go, but where ever it is I hope it’s awful.

Oh wait, I just remembered that he did wish me a happy birthday, but it wasn’t all warm and fuzzy like this, so I’ll just say screw him back and Happy Birthday Dan.

Is that ok, Mr. Genesis Magazine Editor? I am kinda drunk.

XOXOXO
Joanna Angel