In this week’s installment of “The Armani Watch,” I’m talking to you about two movies that I just watched.  While doing my usual shopping on Melrose (‘cause I need more clothes), I decided to roll over to Amoeba on Sunset to pick up a couple of DVDs. Two very random and very different DVDs caught my eye.

Now let me preface this by saying that there are two kinds of bad movies. Some are so bad they’re good, like low budget flicks. The other bad are ones that just plain suck…

Comic Book Villains (2002)

Holy Shit! This movie sucked, and not in a good way like I do. I like superheroes and comic books (Shhh! Don’t tell anyone I’m a geek like that!), so it was with great enthusiasm that I picked up this DVD. But this movie could not decide if it wanted to be funny or dramatic, which it ended up being neither.

The plot about two competing comic book shops who are both trying to land a recently deceased collector’s comic gold mine went way out to left field and quickly delved into nonsense. This should have been better because the cast is pretty good — Cary Elwes, Donal Logue, D.J. Qualls, Michael Rapaport, Natasha Lyonne, Danny Masterson.

The acting was just ok. I can’t blame the actors, though. They really did not have anything to work with. It was all very convoluted. As much as this movie attempted to play to the comic book lovin’ crowd, the tacked on message at the end to “experience life outside of the Marvel and DC universe” was a slap in the face for any fan boy (or girl) that put up with this drivel for the last 92 minutes.

UGH. I mentally organized my show collection because I was so bored with this bomb. See what I go through for you guys? I sit through mind-numbing crap, so you don’t have to.

Black Water (2007)

I really, really liked this movie! This low-budget little thriller about a small tourist group who gets terrorized by a giant crocodile while stranded in the swamps of Northern Australia may at first seem like a “croc” of shit get it?!). But it was actually pretty entertaining, albeit in a mindless, silly way.

It took the “Jaws” approach and went with “less is more” so we didn’t see the crocodile too much, instead relying on  the hint of horror that was lurking.

It’s based on a true story, which means I’m staying out of the fucking swamps. But then again, when would you ever catch me and my Coach shoes trampling along the murky swamps down under? LOL! Like I said not a bad effort, and real low budget fun.

So what do we have? Avoid Comic Book Villains like the fucking plague, and check out Black Water when you want something on during a night of insomnia.

Do you have any recommendations for me that you want me to check out for both my viewing pleasure and “The Armani Watch?” And no. You don’t need to be sending me your homemade sex videos. Drop me a line here and let me know.

Armani Watch Ratings: 1/2 A and AAA

Get your copy of The Big Hit on DigitalPlayground.com or wherever you buy your adult movies. You can watch the Trailer HERE for a little sneak peak.

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