Here are some of my predictions for tonight’s big night in adult at the AVN Awards. Keep in mind that these are simply predictions — not who I think should win, but the way(s) I think things will go…

Best Actor: Herschel Savage (30 Rock, New Sensations)
Herschel did a dead-on Alec Baldwin, and in a parody crazed year, I think the Hall of Famer will take the prize.

Best Actress: Sasha Grey (Throat: A Cautionary Tale, Vivid) or Kelli McCarty (Faithless, Vivid)
2009 was the year of Sasha, and while Kayden turned in a great performance in The 8th Day, I think this could go to Grey. The other fave here is the former Miss America and soap star. I think this one could go either way

Best Director (Feature:) Brad Armstrong for 2040
Brad did a great job on this movie, and this is a strong category this year with Ren Savant’s The 8th Day, P.T.’s Throat and what could be a sentimental fave and dark horse (and very deserving candidate), the late, great David Aaron Clark for Pure.

Best Comedy: Operation: Tropical Stormy (Wicked)
The first big budget flick from Stormy and Wicked took the prize in that year, and this one could follow suit. The other possibilities here are Flight Attendants and Teachers.

Best High-End All Sex Release: Deviance (skinworXXX/Adam & Eve)
The second movie from the new company should and will win here. Upsets could come from either Performers of the Year or one or two other movies, but that would be a travesty for this critical and fan favorite.

Best Male Newcomer: Dane Cross
Aaron Wilcoxxx is the other possible in a thin year.

Best New Starlet: Kagney Linn Karter
She should take home this one as she a fave of many, but the other possibles here are Asa Akira and Riley Steele.

Best Non-Sex Performance: Thomas Ward (Not the Cosbys XXX)
No doubt in my mind he wins this for his dead-on Heathcliff Huxtable.

Best Parody: Not the Cosbys XXX
If it’s not that, I will simply say it can be any of these. Pick your poison here. All I know is this — that the title will have XXX in it.

Best Supporting Actor: Dane Cross (The Office: A XXX Parody)
I’m just taking a stab in the dark here. He was great as the Dwight character, people love that show. On the flipside, there are a bunch of great nominees here, so anything or anyone is possible.

Best Supporting Actress: Amber Rayne (The 8th Day, Adam & Eve)
Amber was simply brilliant, and hopefully the voters agreed. I’m surprised here that Misty Stone wasn’t in for Cosbys, but she could take a trophy for Flight Attendants or Penny Flame could for Throat.

Best Video Feature: The 8th Day (Adam & Eve)
I think it’s their year, although they’re facing stiff competition from 2040. It could be a coin toss between these two.

Director of the Year (Body of Work): Jules Jordan
He’s still the best in the biz at what he does. Some though could slide over to Will Ryder for the parody craze.

Female Performer of the Year: Misty Stone
I think she’s gonna land this one as she had a great year. Other possibles are Kayden, Tori Black, Jesse Jane and Kristina Rose.

Male Performer of the Year: James Deen
It could be two in a row for Deen. Other fave is Manuel. Dark horse possibles are Marco Banderas and Prince Yahshua who had a breakout year according to many.

MILF/Cougar Performer of the Year: Lisa Ann
She hands-down deserves this one. There, I said it. The only other one who can take it is the long underrated (when it comes to awards), Julia Ann.

Unsung Male of the Year: Derrick Pierce
That’s my guess at least.

Unsung Starlet of the Year: Shawna Lenee
I think that’s a solid pick if it happens. Other possibles: Missy Stone, Phoenix Marie and Holly Wellin.

Not Making the Hall of Fame: The “Nobody” in Georgia
The funny thing is he really thinks he should be in. He also probably thinks there’s an Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Elvis is alive and well and living in Ocala, Florida, and that his opinion really matters to anyone.

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We want to wish everyone —friends, readers, even that crazy cart retriever at the local supermarket — a very happy new year and best wishes for a healthy and prosperous 2010. Thanks to everyone for all of the support and we’ll see you in the next decade!

2010 is the year of the tiger, so Apollo Creed wants you to kick some major ass! Wait… it seemed like ‘09 was the year of the Tiger. He gonna get more pussy in 2010?

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To all our Jewish friends (and Joanna Angel), we wish you a Happy Hanukkah…

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I came into the office this morning after the hoilday weekend and learned through emails and reports that sadly, David Aaron Clark had passed away on Saturday from a pulmonary embolism at the age of 49.

The award-winning veteran director and journalist reportedly felt ill and was taken to a Los Angeles hospital where he later passed in the company of his two close friends Christian Mann and Aiden Starr.

I had actually met David long before I began working in adult when he was a writer for a couple of New Jersey newspapers and was involved in the Jersey music scene, where I also worked. He also left the mainstream world and was an editor for GENESIS (before we had purchased it) and had contributed a couple of pieces for us in later years. He was always pleasant whenever our paths would meet and we are truly sad that he is gone and our sincerest condolences go out to anyone who knew him.

Rest in Peace DAC

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Today is a day to be thankful, not just for the big things, but the little as well. I know I’m thankful for my family and true friends, my heatlh, my country, job, dog, home, and lots of other things without getting too analytical on here.

Here are some other things we should all be thankful for on this day, especially in this industry…

We’re thankful that here hasn’t been a “Mama’s Family” porn parody… yet

We’re thankful that Max Hardcore can’t make a “Who’s Nailin’ McCain” movie starring him… at least for another 3 years or so.

We’re thankful that the adult industry is a gazillion dollar business and the porn is recession proof (insert eyeroll here).

We’re thankful for clueless bloggers out there like “Nobody,” because next to coffee and a morning screw, laughing at idiots is the best way to start the day.

We’re thankful that Twitter was invented, because we were all constantly wondering if and where porn stars ate, and can now keep track of their bowel movements.

We’re thankful that War Machine isn’t mad at us.

We’re thankful that a Rosie O’Donnell sex tape hasn’t been discovered or leaked yet.

These are just a few things that we’re thankful for. What are you thankful for?

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We at Genesis magazine want to take this opportunity to pay tribute and show our appreciation to the men and women who have served in the military and dedicated themselves to protecting the rights, freedom and way of life that we as Americans enjoy and hold dear.

Few industries are as controversial and challenge the limits of our free society as much as the adult industry. Therefore those who make their living in this business and consumers of adult entertainment have a very special appreciation for the freedoms and opportunities afforded Americans by the First Amendment to our Constitution.

So again we wish to thank those who selflessly serve the United States and wish all the citizens of this great country a happy Veterans Day!

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We’re sure you heard it, but I’m a Yankee fan so I just thought I would say it again!

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Kayden Kross

Adam & Eve contract star has been the subject of many blogs, and many of them have had something to do — be it fallout or otherwise — because of an assumed relationship with a certain Nobody. She recently tackled the subject in her official blog at unkrossed.com where she writes:

That gets me to the point of this blog. I’ve taken a lot of crap for my association with Mike South. We were originally put in touch because of his ties to Adam and Eve at the time and my interest in a contract with them. During the interview process we talked a lot and it turned into a weird friendship. I knew nothing about his blog or who he was in the industry. The only thing I knew was that he was immediately helpful when I was a complete stranger and has been available to talk 24 hours a day ever since, and especially when I’ve needed someone to talk to most. He has never been on my payroll or held any official title with me, there has never been anything sexual between us, but he has always been there to talk me through everything from the most serious and personal to the most useless and random. Months after my contract with Adam and Eve was in place he invited me to write for his site and I was happy to. That’s when I learned that it’s best not to hold public opinions.

The thing I didn’t expect is that I would start being tied to everything that ended up on his site whether I was aware that it was even posted or not, much less whether I agreed or not. I have tried to make a passive effort at distancing myself from his blog because of this. I do not write for it. I do not have an affiliate link from it and generally I try not to read it or any industry sites for that matter. Mike and I have had screaming matches over this issue but there is no simple resolution. Either I have a public association with MikeSouth.com and deal with the consequences of that or I don’t. I do not want to deal with the consequences of other people’s opinions. It has nothing to do with my feelings about that person or anyone else. I just don’t want to answer for things I have no control over. It’s hard not to laugh when people think I’m somehow Mike’s puppet master. He was posting controversial blogs long before I came along and he will be doing so long after I’m gone. He’s had good relationships with people and he’s had bad relationships with people and regardless of their standing with him he’s never been someone you can control and I am one on a long list of people who can attest to that.

“Nobody” has a unique way of trying to make himself look better at the expense of others. Just this past weekend there was what looked like a post from Kayden on his site, but it was actually a blog copied and pasted from her unkrossed.com site. Something must’ve happened because shortly thereafter it was off of his site. Was posting this an effort of damage control? In my opinion, I think so.

The bottom line here is that Kayden has now set the record straight that she has no professional ties to “Nobody,” no longer writes for his site, and has learned some things along the way. Hopefully she’s learned (as I already have) what kind of person Nobody is deep down and the second you don’t agree with him or call him out on his bullshit, the tables turn rather quickly and nothing is sacred. Friendship and “family” goes right out the window for the sake of repairing a bruised ego or gaining 24 extra hits to a free website.

I know I personally wish her the best in achieving her goals, and hosting the AVN Awards is a step in that direction. To read the full blog from Kayden, head over to unkrossed.com.

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GENESIS wants to throw out (or up) a Happy Halloween to everyone out there!

Those with young ones, have fun trick or treating, and those who are young at heart, you have fun, too. And thanks for not egging or toilet papering our offices last night. Stay safe tonight and send us your costume pics. Don’t have a costume, here are five last minute ideas that should be easy to pull off if you’re going to an industry party:

1. Sarah Palin

This one will work for either the guys or girls. Just get a wig (if you need one) and put it in a bun, toss on some glasses, dress conservative and you too can be in the next Palin parody from one of the studios. Hey, you’ll look as much like Palin as the next chick, but you can never look as good as Lisa Ann does.

2. Max Hardcore

Or is it the dude that chased Curious George as Craig Fitzsimmons said at the AVN Awards in 2008. Either way, yellow suit, cowboyish hat, equals funny. And if you’re a couple and looking for an accessory/duo costume, grab the girl, dress her up inappropriately or just cover her in vomit, and you’re good to go. What did you think I was gonna say to wear? An orange jumpsuit?

3. Ron Jeremy

Easy enough. Here’s your shopping list: pillow for belly, body hair, pornstache, mullet, track pants, random swag T-shirt, Crocs. Instant Hedgehog.

4. Porn Director

All you need is a video camera and a few thousand bucks. Seems to work for a lot of others the other 364 days, so why can’t you do it tonight?

5. “Nobody” Industry Blogger From Georgia

Almost the same as a wannabe porn director, but just substitute laptop for camcorder and try to forget everything you’ve learned about ethics, grammar, spelling, journalism, math and common sense. Oh, and don’t show your face in your public after you blast people. And if you do, just say, “Bubba, I was just playin’.”

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Actually, this headline could read a variety of things ranging from idiot, hypocrite, wannabe, assclown, etc., but I thought I would be kind. Well, as kind as I want to be right now. I will not name the name of which I speak, because I do not want to give this guy even a modicum of Google hits, and I also think “Nobody” is a better name anyway. I had a few minutes to kill drinking some coffee, so I thought I would have some fun and call a nobody a Nobody. Now mind you, this is solely my opinion and does not reflect the company’s stance in the least, but I wanted to make my opinion known and also the sentiments of many who have encountered Nobody in this business. It’s high time someone did as this has gone on far too long.

So Nobody decides to go on his “lesser site” and do what he always does and stir up shit. But rather than follow his normal M.O. spewing senseless psychobabble followed by made-up responses from “dozens” or “tons” of alleged readers with names taken from pop culture to supposedly protect the innocent, Nobody decides to do something far worse, and that’s attack Bree Olson with a flurry of insults, name-calling and unfounded allegations. Let us examine this further…

This Nobody calls Bree various names of which if you were a father, son, boyfriend or husband and someone called the woman in your life such, you would beat the piss out of someone like that. Bree is no angel by any means, but I have gotten to know her over the last few years, spent a decent amount of time with her, and she does not deserve — nor does any woman.

Nobody (that’s his name here after all) lays claim, and without substantial proof mind you other than what he says are postings on sites about things and “word from insiders in the biz,” or Bree’s tweets (which are obviously —unless you’re an idiot —  exaggerations for the fans that follow her) that Bree does side work, and fucks anyone and everyone. For Nobody to take these things and then turn them into what is obviously a personal attack on Bree with selfish and vindictive motives behind them is not only the sign of an asshole, but a coward as well. This Nobody also goes on to say that her contract company and two of its executives pretty much would allow such things.  Now I have questioned “insiders within the biz” and have asked about Bree’s tests. They’ve been clean according to my various sources. Hell, who knows what the percentage is, but I bet it’s a high one about how many people in adult test positive for one thing or another. It’s a work hazard and bound to happen as you have people exchanging bodily fluids and probably no different than staph infections or flu epidemics in sports locker rooms around the country, or professional drivers having accidents because they drive so much.

So why would Nobody go out and say otherwise. All of this is just the acts of a pathetic little man tucked away in his little world where the only ones who pretty much listen to anything he has to say are strippers who actually believe the hype he has invented about himself and his accomplishments. He actually said to me on more than one occasion that he should be in the AVN Hall of Fame. He even said he was “boycotting” it one year because he didn’t get the nom, when the real truth was IMHO that he couldn’t afford to go.

Now let me state to all of you reading this that Nobody was my “friend” at one time. I bent over backwards for him — far and above what I would do for most anyone. People warned me about him saying he would one day turn on me too. I should have listened to them because after I witnessed him doing his usual crap to another good friend of mine I told him he was wrong and Nobody didn’t like that too much.  Since then I know he has talked shit about me, made accusations that are entirely false, and even had the balls to threaten me. I hope that he tries something with these lies so I can help rid this business of a nobody like Nobody.  He’s a disease far worse than most any STD known. He’ll invent things for his own benefit, be it conversations, letters to himself, rumors, etc. And he’s truly a coward. I saw him post crap about Kurt Lockwood on his site for years. Yet when Kurt approached him before an AVN Awards show and confronted him about it, Nobody gave his typical, “Hey Bubba, I was just playin’ with ya.” Kurt proceeded to throw his drink on Nobody and Nobody sat there and took it. And that’s the typical outcome when he’s confronted in person. He attacked jessica drake for years for no reason, yet backed off finally when she did something he thought benefitted him. It’s what he does and I’ve seen similar on a few occasions.

I get lots of inside info and could break stories on this girl being courted by Company X, or John Doe and Jane Doe having relationship problems, or this one is fighting with that one, or a company is having problems. But some things believe it or not are sacred and/or not breaking trust and ruining professional or even personal relationships. It’s not gonna win me a Pulitzer or even put dollars into our revenue stream to make it worth stooping that low. Yet he does it in my opinion and for what? A couple of dozen extra hits that might make him some petty affiliate dollars? Or maybe, and I’m just thinking out loud here, Nobody just craves attention in what might be a lonely little world. Am I holier than thou and perfect? Hell no. But as Forrest Gump said, and I’m paraphrasing, “I might not be a smart man, but I know what (friendship) is.”

Now back to his cowardly attack on Bree. A lot of this was done in retribution for a sit down that was held involving Nobody, people at Adam & Eve and others within the industry doing work and consulting  on a project with Adam & Eve which I was present for. Nobody tries to play himself off as the manager, er, “advisor” of Kayden Kross. Unless he’s advising her how to properly gut a fish or keep a piece of shit Ford pickup running with 200,000 miles on it, he’s basically useless in that capacity in my opinion.  If the purpose of an advisor is to do things to cause unneeded friction, damage professional and personal relationships, and theoretically fuck up someone’s career, then he’s one of the best in the biz. Kayden doesn’t know what he posts, nor does she have input into this, but yet she gets blamed.  She has distanced herself from Nobody as an “advisor,” Adam & Eve won’t even entertain him, so let’s chalk this up to Nobody trying to retaliate on an innocent bystander to his own fuck-ups. She has asked him not to do such things as a friend (hell, he even calls her “family”), but I wouldn’t be surprised if he does it just so she calls or emails him with complaints just so he can keep that contact in his life.

The real victim here is Bree. Is she wild? Yes. A little nutty at times. Uh-huh. But she’s also a human being. No one should have to listen or read the crap assholes like Nobody post. So Bree, don’t take any stock into this asshole or his bandwagoneers. They’re all nobodies, and Nobody is the biggest pig in porn.

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Phyllis Vega, author of “Erotic Astrology: The Sex Secrets of Your Horoscope Revealed,” tells what your Zodiac sign indicates about sexual style, turn-offs and turn-ons. She also reveals which signs are sexually compatible with yours.

Horseshit? Probably, but the metatags are good for our site

Aries Sexual Style: Passionate and impatient, these lovers want to get down to business. They’re not into wooing you with flowers and romance. They’re actors, not dreamers, and they prefer a spicy, energetic romp to a drawn-out lovemaking session. “They want what they want, and they want it now,” says Vega. If what they want is you, you’ll have a partner dedicated to pleasing you between the sheets — but you’d better not be into foreplay, because you’re not going to get much.

Sexually Compatible Signs: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, Aquarius

Turn-ons: Anything different; aggressive partners. “Attack!” says Vega. “Subtly is totally lost on the Aries.” As is the joy of a routine: The ram gets randy when exhilarated and surprised.

Turn-offs: The same-old, same-old. Scheduling sex every Tuesday and Thursday with your Aries is a sure-fire way to bore him to death.

Taurus Sexual Style: Taureans want to be wined and dined and slowly seduced. These sensual lovers mull over their decisions, but once they’ve decided that you’re the one, they’ll want you and only you. The reliable and easy-going bull likes deliberate, uncomplicated sex, and possesses a libido that, once unleashed, lets her go all night.

Sexually Compatible Signs: Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces

Turn-ons: “Taureans fall hook, line and sinker for all the traditional tools of seduction,” says Vega. Just put high-thread-count sheets on the bed, some flowers in the room, pop open a bottle of fine wine and turn on the Barry White. The downside is that you may feel like you’re setting up a 1970s-era love den, but the upside is that your Taurus love interest will probably be taking off her shirt by the second song.

Turn-offs: If you push her up against a wall or show up at her house in a kinky costume, your Taurus will probably run shrieking. These traditionalists aren’t into hard come-ons or warped fun.

Gemini Sexual Style: This cerebral, verbal sign is stimulated mentally first and physically second. Once you’ve got him excited, drag him into the bedroom before he gets distracted, since Gemini minds wander easily. Sex is sure to be hot and heavy, and probably pretty chatty. “They like to talk during sex; they like to talk about sex,” says Vega. Lounging around makes those born under the sign of the twins nervous, so don’t take it personally when your Gemini wants to get out of bed after he climaxes.

Sexually Compatible Signs: Libra, Aquarius, Aries, Leo, Sagittarius

Turn-ons: Steamy conversation and novelty. Tell him what you’re going to do to him, and, better yet, make it something he’s never had done before. Mix it up: A Gemini changes his mind often, so he may like rooftop action on Tuesday and a personal lap dance Wednesday. Turn-offs: The dreaded cling. Don’t act needy with a Gemini; though they can be happily monogamous, they want to at least feel free.

Cancer Sexual Style: “Cancers don’t just fall into bed,” says Vega. For the most part, the extremely emotional crab wants a relationship, and once she has you in her claws, she doesn’t want to let go. These intense, serious, possessive lovers zero in on one partner with whom to engage in all of their favorite sensual activities. While they may be shy initially, they’re tender and deeply affectionate once they feel comfortable.

Sexually Compatible Signs: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn, Scorpio, Pisces

Sexual Style: “Cancers don’t just fall into bed,” says Vega. For the most part, the extremely emotional crab wants a relationship, and once she has you in her claws, she doesn’t want to let go. These intense, serious, possessive lovers zero in on one partner with whom to engage in all of their favorite sensual activities. While they may be shy initially, they’re tender and deeply affectionate once they feel comfortable.

Sexually Compatible Signs: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn, Scorpio, Pisces

Leo Sexual Style: The self-mythologizing Leo wants to be a star and is as dramatic in bed as in life. The lion craves recognition and an audience, and if you keep applauding him, he’ll keep satisfying you. “They want to be stroked, literally and physically,” says Vega. These natural-born lovers are exceptionally sexual, inventive and devoted. They don’t take no for an answer, so why bother? Give in, and let them put on a one-Leo show just for you.

Sexually Compatible Signs: Aries, Sagittarius, Gemini, Libra, Aquarius

Turn-ons: Endless flattery. Tell the magnetic Leo he is gorgeous, witty and fabulous in bed. His libido will skyrocket, and you’ll reap the significant benefits.

Turn-offs: Bossiness. The Leo must be in charge, or at least think that he’s in charge. So if you value your peace of mind, you won’t try to tell your Leo what to do.

Virgo Sexual Style: “Everyone thinks the Virgo is chaste, but they’re just fastidious,” says Vega. They like to get it on in a clean and lovely environment. They’re sweet, romantic, orderly paramours who thrive in calm relationships and often prefer to be the less aggressive partner. Even though they may act shocked when you suggest something naughty, they’re secretly thrilled. So coax your Virgo into that acrobatic contortion you read about in the “Kama Sutra” and as long as she doesn’t pull her hamstring, she’ll be as happy as you are.

Sexually Compatible Signs: Taurus, Capricorn, Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces

Turn-ons: Fresh sheets, a traditional courtship, routines. Treat them carefully, buy them fine gifts, read them poetry and generally work with their precious, old-fashioned sexual sensibilities.

Turn-offs: “Don’t throw them on the ground and try to jump their bones,” warns Vega. They’re not interested in getting literally down and dirty.

Libra Sexual Style: The sophisticated Libra is an intellectual and a perfectionist — an excellent bedmate, if a bit detached. The high-minded sign approaches sex with a mental bent, and is often intrigued by erotica and new conceptual approaches to pleasure. He is open-minded but refined, so he’ll probably go along with anything as long as it’s not too gnarly. (Read: While he may wear a sleeveless butler costume, hardcore fetish play probably isn’t a sure bet.)

Sexually Compatible Signs: Gemini, Aquarius, Aries, Leo, Sagittarius

Turn-ons: A well-decorated bedroom, the best of everything, a night on the town. The urbane Libra gets excited by a nice situation in which to get his subdued-but-considerable groove on. And he may be too polite to say so, but he really digs pricey gifts.

Turn-offs: “No gross hotel sex,” orders Vega. You’d be best also to avoid taking your Libra camping or suggesting that he rough it in any way. Libras aren’t interested in lovemaking under the stars unless they’re in a luxury cabin with skylights.

Scorpios Sexual Style: Everyone knows Scorpios are freaks, but not everyone understands that they are discerning freaks. The mysterious, intense Scorpio may be a horn-dog, but she prefers celibacy to milquetoast sex. She’s interested in transformative lovemaking, not just 20 minutes of missionary. “It must be more than sex and love,” says Vega. “It must be a greater connection.” The sexy scorpion, who doesn’t understand the phrase “shades of gray,” is either totally uninterested in you or focused entirely on you. Once she has decided that you’re the one, she’ll show you undying love and darkly erotic action. If you want to be with a Scorpio, start working on your stamina, and brace yourself.

Sexually Compatible Signs: Cancer, Pisces, Gemini, Libra, Aquarius

Turn-ons: Understanding. When you know what your Scorpio sweetheart likes, do it for her. And if you’re curious about bondage, this would be the sign to whom you could hopefully offer a rope and a whip. Scorpios aren’t scared of a little kink.

Turn-offs: Naysayers, dullards and pushy people. If you think, or attempt to assert, that you’re in control, the Scorpio will kick you to the curb. Got it?

Sagittarius Sexual Style: This ardent, enthusiastic world traveler will make you feel like the only person in the world when he’s in bed with you, but if he hears the call of the open road, you might as well enjoy the view as he leaves. Still, while you’ve got him, you’re in for a grand time, as the Sagittarius is open, adventurous and committed to having fun. Expect him to get lusty when in a new and exciting place. “They please you and they want you to please them; they’ll try anything, and they’ll make love anywhere,” says Vega.

Sexually Compatible Signs: Aries, Leo, Gemini, Libra, Aquarius

Turn-ons: Adventure. Make the archer pursue you. Try weird positions and exotic sexual techniques, preferably in far-off locales. Mile-high club, meet your newest members!

Turn-offs: Predictability. If you always want to stay at home and watch movies on Saturdays, your Sagittarius sweetums is going to shrivel up from boredom. Step away from the datebook and put down the remote if you want to get lucky later.

Capricorn Sexual Style: These guys may seem like workaholics, but once you lure one into the bedroom, he’ll show you that he plays just as hard. “The Capricorn is one of the most passionate signs, and nobody knows it,” says Vega. Since the Capricorn lover is dependable, ambitious and responsible, he often sublimates his sexual desire. But underneath that professional exterior, he’s ready for action. When he warms up, he’s affectionate, straightforward and dedicated to pleasure. Bonus: He’s got major endurance.

Sexually Compatible Signs: Taurus, Virgo, Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces

Turn-ons: Capricorns are attracted to smart, accomplished people who are willing to make the first move and have the patience to lure them away from work with sexy clothes, a romantic meal and sensual distractions. They love making dates and planning “sex nights” in advance.

Turn-offs: Spontaneity and weirdos. The goat doesn’t like whimsical romps that interrupt his packed schedule any more than he likes getting busy with a person he considers unsuitable in the grand scheme of his life.

Aquarius Sexual Style: Nobody can pin these freewheeling eccentrics down. And while none of these water bearers are alike, one thing they have in common is their intellectualism. The Aquarius libido rises in relation to her mental stimulation; she’s willing to try anything if it sounds interesting. Your reserved, cool-headed Aquarian lover starts slow but can be worked into a wildly passionate state — and once she’s in it, you’ll be blown away. But you can never possess an elusive Aquarian entirely, as they always hold something back.

Sexually Compatible Signs: Gemini, Aries, Leo, Sagittarius

Turn-ons: Conversation, unusual personalities, intellectual pursuits. As they have few qualms, they enjoy the span of bedroom activities from the ho-hum to the extra-pervy.

Turn-offs: If you’re conventional type with neither a quirky bent nor a dark side, an Aquarian isn’t going to give you the time of day. Also, don’t try to fence her in: “If the Aquarian thinks you’ll take away her freedom, she’ll run for hills,” says Vega.

Pisces Sexual Style: This lover is a chameleon, able to shift his style according to your needs and desires. “They’re physically magical,” says Vega. “They’re emotional, not intellectual.” A Piscean sweetheart lacks practicality — that, combined with their loving natures, enthusiasm for all things carnal and natural empathy makes them talented at pleasing others and accepting pleasure. What’s naughty to another sign just seems like fun for the fish, and they approach bedroom romps with an open mind and an open heart, always expecting your time together to be fantastic.

Pisces Sexual Style: This lover is a chameleon, able to shift his style according to your needs and desires. “They’re physically magical,” says Vega. “They’re emotional, not intellectual.” A Piscean sweetheart lacks practicality — that, combined with their loving natures, enthusiasm for all things carnal and natural empathy makes them talented at pleasing others and accepting pleasure. What’s naughty to another sign just seems like fun for the fish, and they approach bedroom romps with an open mind and an open heart, always expecting your time together to be fantastic.

Sexually Compatible Signs: Scorpio, Cancer, Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn

Turn-ons: When you’re happy, he’s happy, so make sure to show your appreciation. Since they’re dreamers, Pisces are often turned on by fantasy games, so get out that cheerleading costume and start stretching.

Turn-offs: Don’t play it cool with your Pisces, or he’ll lose his libido. A Piscean partner needs to get a response in the sack.

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Pop culture site lemondrop.com did a little piece on the 10 worst movies that you can watch as a couple and are a sure fire way NOT to get you laid. Here they are:

10. Hannibal: People getting sliced and diced really won’t get her in the mood, unless she’s a serial killer herself, and then you’ve got more problems than not getting laid.
9. Jon & Kate Plus Eight: A sign of things to come will scare any guy off. Lots of kids, bossy wife… not good.
8. Requiem for a Dream: Way too fucking serious and depressing. You would probably have a better shot if you watched JFK or Schindler’s List.
7. Swingers: This shows what tools guys can be behind closed doors. She will hate the entire male population after watching this.
6. The O’Reilly Factor: Politics and assholes never mix.
5. South Park: No way she’ll anything that’s funny or hot in farting Canadians, kicked babies and the all around greatness that is South Park
4. Obsessed: Fatal Attraction is scary. After this you’ll question the sanity of all women.
3. Brüno: Might as well tie this with Borat.
2. Fatal Attraction: You thought Obsessed was scary? See above.
1. Brokeback Mountain: Nothing will get your noodle limp than two gay cowboys. And even if you’re able to perform after watching this, she’s gonna think you’re gay and got horny from it. It’s a lose/lose my friends.

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Yesterday, Shawna Lenee announced via Twitter that Jenna Presley had vandalized her apartment after the two had a falling out earlier this week, and concluded her “tirade” by peeing on her new rug.  As embarrassing as an event as this is to Jenna, she wanted to step forward and give her side of the story, one that is involves a very personal side of her life.

“Normally, I wouldn’t address gossip, but when accusations have been made that I am violent and a drug user, I feel the urge to respond.  Add to the mix that I am a drive by pisser, and I had to say something.  I am not interested in bad mouthing Shawna Lenee in any way, and I do want the best for her, and I am sorry things didn’t work out with us living together.  It happens with roommates.”

Jenna continued, “I have had Epilepsy since I was 8 years old, I have been taking Keppra (my seizure medication) since then. About 3 days ago I ran out of my medication and I just got back in town from feature dancing and did not have time to fill it. I thought because I have been on my medication for so long I would be just fine till tomorrow, but apparently not. I have Grand Mall seizures and one this morning around 11:30 a.m. (I don’t remember doing this because I have no memory from right before I have a seizure till about 10 minutes after the seizure is over) I walked in Shawna’s room and had a seizure in her bathroom. The rumor of vandalism is false. I did NOT put a hole through her wall however, when one has a seizure they lose all control of their muscles. So yes, during my seizure I peed on her bathroom rug.  Embarrassing? Yes.  But not intentional and not something I would do when angry. She said she will be suing me for vandalism for peeing on her rug even though I offered to pay for a new one or take it to the cleaners. I am NOT on drugs and I truly do have epilepsy. I was taken to the E.R. at Saint Jude’s Hospital. They did a drug test and everything came back negative. The doctor also gave me an I.V. with liquid Keppra to get it in my system as soon as possible. I was at the hospital from about noon till 3:30 p.m.”

“I have been living in LA for 4 years and I have been seeing a Neurologist since then. His name is Dr. Peter Kim and he is located in Simi Valley, California. Every 6 months I go in and see him and he writes me enough refills till the next time I see him. I have provided pictures of medication as proof.  I would like to thank everyone for their concern, everyone has been really sweet to me asking me if I’m okay and not even questioning if what is being said is true or false. Thanks guys AND girls!!”

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I remembered this bit from Comedy’s Central’s late, great “Man Show” and finally found it on the web. Check it out and make sure you wait for the money shot!

Man Show Sock Puppet Housewife

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Adult entertainment superstar Veronica Rayne appeared on the wildly popular Jason Ellis radio show last week. The star talked about a myriad of things including all her upcoming projects like her appearance in I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. (Video of Rayne talking about it here) For those not in the know, Jason is a world famous skateboarder, an X-Game commentator and MMA fighter. His weekly show can be heard Noon – 4pm (PST) on Radio Faction channels Sirius 28/XM 52.
Rayne can currently be seen getting hardcore in the controversial XXX parody from Hustler tilted Keeping it Up For The Kard-ASS-ians.

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